My Identity Crisis

I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
 
I remember one day in college I called my mom and cried to her about wanting a baby.  She told me she thought that maybe I should wait until after I graduated.  And got married.  I had a void in my life that I was sure would only be filled by a child.  So until then, I settled with occupying myself with other people’s babies.
 
When Erik and I got married (about 2 years after I graduated from college), I asked him every single month if he was ready to start trying.  He didn’t make me wait long.  On our one year anniversary, I was 5 months pregnant.

By the time we had our second daughter, while I was fully immersed in diapers and baby dolls, I began to realize that I had a problem.  You see – I had a really hard time going anywhere with out my girls. I couldn’t.  But not because of worry or fear.  I couldn’t go anywhere without them because then no one would know that I was a mom. 

And I needed them to know that I was because being a mom was my identity.  I didn’t know who I was without them.

What I began to realize was that for most of my life, my identity had been wrapped up in what I did.  I’ve been a good girl, an athlete, a cheerleader, a Bible study leader, an Aggie, a Tri Delt, a Chaplain, a teacher, a wife … and a mom.  But now what? 

Being a mom was all I ever wanted to be.  I thought it would be enough.  But it wasn’t.  UGH! How could I ever admit that it wasn’t enough? 

………

It’s been six years since God opened my eyes to my real identity crisis.  I wish I could tell you that I’ve got it all figured out now, but I can’t.  Faith is a journey, not a destination, and I’m still walking.  But what I can tell you is that by the grace of God, I’m not the same girl as I was back then. 

And if you, too, suffer an identity crisis of your own, would you consider these few thoughts?

Start at surrender.  My day will always begin here.  “Jesus. I need you today.  Teach me how to walk in you. Teach me to abide.  Less of me, more of you, I pray.”

Ask for more.  Have you ever considered asking God for more of Him? A greater desire?  A deeper hunger?  Ask and keep asking. Seek and keep seeking.  I can promise you this one thing: God is faithful and able to meet every longing of our heart.  Every one.

Press in.  Like a big, warm blanket, press in to your relationship with Him. Let your pursuit of Him be your highest goal and His presence your great reward.

You hear it all the time, but do you believe it’s true?  Jesus is enough.