My struggle: Discouragement

I walked through the produce section at Kroger with tears spilling from my eyes. I had just finished taping the eighth video segment for my Bible study, He Is …, and was getting beat down {again} by lies that played like tapes in my head.

You really aren’t good at this, you know. These videos are embarrassing. You should just quit.”

These words had become familiar to me. And thankfully, the rhythm of their onslaughts was finally becoming obvious: Create. Release. Get bombarded with discouragement.

The trouble is that the lines that played in my head are so easy for me to believe. They play right into my insecurities and doubts about my purpose and calling. They had become my personal tapes of shame.

I’m not enough.

I’m not usable.

I’m not worthy.

I’m a fraud. (And everyone knows it!)

Do any of these sound familiar to you? 

We all deal with some form of discouragement. It’s a familiar emotion to us all. We can get discouraged by our circumstances – discouraged by our season – discouraged by our people – discouraged with ourselves. But if you’re like me, discouragement comes most often as an attack from the enemy.

{I’m awake and very much paying attention now!!}

By the time I made it out of the store and to my car, I was mad. Pushing away the tears, I decided enough was enough. I was tired of this game and sick of buying into the lies. I’ve spent far too much time sitting under the weight of words that imprisoned me – words that made me doubt myself but even worse, made me doubt God. I WAS DONE.

I knew I didn’t have to stay in the place of shame any longer, because the Lord has equipped me with truth. Now was the time to use it. Now was the time to flip the switch – stop the tapes – and play something better.

No more shame on you. Now it’s time for: Shame off, and grace on.

Jesus has paved my way to free-living with loads and loads of grace. That means I no longer have to stay entrapped by feelings of shame or despair. I only need to grab hold of this grace, counter the lies with truth,  and let Him carry my load.

So that’s what I did right there in my car. I traded lies for truth. I lifted my eyes, and He lifted my head and whispered, “I am enough for you.”

….

I wish I could say that after my Kroger parking lot incident I was done with this battle of discouragement once and for all, but it wouldn’t be true.

I still struggle. Sometimes I get blindsided by it. It hits me like a giant wave that I never see coming. Other times I see it coming and hold the door wide open. Too tired to fight, I let myself wallow there.

Because discouragement for me is most often tied to ministry, comparison plays a significant part in my battle. (Anyone else?) I get on social media and see how her posts are reaching thousands – how their ministry is inspiring people across the globe – how God is using that Bible study in such profound ways – and I begin questioning my purpose and the character of my God.

Why bother? Just let her say it. Let her write it. Let her cheer them on. They certainly don’t need you. 

Comparison leads me to believe that her story is better and her purpose grander. When I start measuring her success, I start trying to grasp for my own. I begin to question if God is holding out on me. Maybe I should do more. Or maybe I need to be more. It makes me hungry for things I don’t really want. But with my eyes on her or them instead of HIM, I get distracted.

Comparison is an ugly game and almost always leads me down a path of discouragement.

I don’t have all the answers for these struggles. Comparison, discouragement, lies, shame – they’re all very real. I am well acquainted with the darkness that accompanies them.

But you know what else I know? Light always wins!!

Let’s grab hold of the Light, friends, and press in … because the struggle is real.

Do you struggle with discouragement too? How does comparison play into your struggle with discouragement? What plans have you put in place in your own life to counter the attacks of the enemy in regards to discouragement?