on loneliness {Guest Post by Allison Aderholt}

Today I have the privilege of sharing this space with one of my favorite people on earth, Allison Aderholt. Allison is one of those people you can’t help but love. She is playful and funny and wise and deep. She lights up a room without trying and puts everyone around her at ease. Plus, the girl can put down a box of Lucky Charms like a champ.

Three years ago, Allison lost her husband, Clay, in a tragic car accident. His death and the ways that God has revealed Himself so beautifully in and through Allison’s life have changed me forever.

Today, I’m happy to share my dear friend with you.

Some people think to talk. Some talk to think. I’m the latter. Jesus cranked the “relational” meter way up when He created me. People are my thing. Sharing stories is my love language.

But for the past three years I’ve been dealt a challenging situation: I am a widow.

And now, I wrestle with loneliness.

LONELINESS IS …

Being a widow means my primary outlet for sharing has been removed. The community around me is relentless in serving, pursuing, and covering our family. But under our roof, conversations look different. As single adult in a home with two young children, Princess Ariel, table manners and considering others over ourselves dominates our vocabulary. These are all wonderful in their own respects, but they don’t exactly satisfy my relational urge to connect to the hearts of others over the deep recesses of life.

At times, I find myself lonely.

I used to think loneliness was a lack of people around, now I see I was wrong. In a room full of people – in my kitchen with children running circles around me – in the presence of married couples – in a small group of single divorced women. In all of these places, I have felt lonely.

Thinking back, even with a husband, at times I felt lonely.

A NEW PLACE

The reality is, sometimes I just want Jesus with skin on to comfort, encourage and be with me in my valleys and on my mountaintops. Because of this, my tendency has been to go to people over Jesus.

For the past three years, I have asked Jesus to take me to a new place of intimacy with Him over people. I’ve asked Him to use this season of “less people” to allow Him to become my end all – that He would be who I run to in my victories, defeats, heartache and joy.

Don’t hear me saying people don’t matter. The Trinity of God is relational. He created us that way, and we are to celebrate that and live in community, not isolation. God is the one who said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

People are a GIFT. We need them, and they need us.

But they can’t be our hope, our end all, or our satisfaction. We are a fallen people, broken and unable to perfectly meet the needs of others. Only Jesus can do that. Jesus is the only one who can meet our expectations. Every. Time.

Actually, He doesn’t meet them – He EXCEEDS them! (Ephesians 3:20).

JESUS IS BETTER

Our church has been walking through a series called “Jesus is Better.” I have absorbed much about why this statement is true. As it pertains to loneliness and my need for companionship, I have seen so many ways that Jesus is better.

So, if you’re like me and the unwanted guest of loneliness has crept into your life, allow these truths to anchor you in the hope of Jesus.

Why is He the perfect companion?

• Jesus alone knows you better than you know yourself. {Psalm 139}
• You will never be disappointed when your hope is in Him. {Isaiah 49:23}
• He understands your deepest longings & how to best meet them. {Psalm 37:4}
• He sees the end from the beginning. {Isaiah 46:10}
• He’s always available, never distracted. {Psalm 145:18}
• He loves without condition. {Romans 5:8}
• Jesus guides with flawless counsel and perfect wisdom. {James 1:5}
• He knows and has experienced loneliness; His nearest & dearest left him. {Mark 14:50}
• He knows grief and loss. {John 3:16}
• He felt human heartache. {John 11:35}

My impatient and instant gratification human nature wants the immediacy of a person to fill my loneliness. But Jesus is reminding me, He is better.

I’m also realizing Jesus will use loneliness, or anything else, to remind me from time to time that my real destiny is in Him. He will do this with you as well. This world was never intended to be our home.  The things and people of this world can never fully satisfy. We were made for something far greater than this world can deliver.  When our hearts are tethered to Jesus, He will tug at them so we don’t get too attached to decoys, whatever they may be. Our true destiny is in Him.

MY PRAYER

So moving forward in 2017, this is my prayer:

Jesus, when I get my socks blessed off by something, may you be my first praise.

When the day is too much and I’m weighted down with despair wondering when relief will come, may I fall on my knees in dependence upon you.

And when I want a person to celebrate my child’s victory, a personal breakthrough or an answered prayer, may I celebrate in song with you first.

And finally, after that moment, when I’m filled up with my Jesus, I get the icing on the cake. I get to pick up the phone and call my Mama with the news, to share my burdens with a safe mentor and to scream at the top of my lungs with a girlfriend in celebration.

Not because I need people to fill a void or fix my loneliness, but rather out of the joy that comes when life is shared.

///

(It’s me again)

I love that Allison wanted to touch on the topic of loneliness because I think it’s something we all can relate to in one way or another.

God has often used loneliness in my life to draw me closer to Him. Very early on in my blogging life, I wrote a short post about the subject. You can read it here.

Do you ever struggle with loneliness? If so, I hope these hope-filled truths from Allison will encourage you to lean your full weight onto Jesus. He really is everything you’ll ever need.

Coming next week: Monthly Memory Verse #2!!