Starting

In the post last week that I wrote about my boy, I shared some soul-searching questions that I was asking myself and praying through. As it turns out, these two questions got into my business in a way I wasn’t expecting:

What decisions am I making in the flesh, independent of God?
Am I making any choices based on fear, selfishness or comfort?

Apparently my answer was yes. Yes, I am.
But not anymore.

Last Friday, I opened a blank, white Word document to begin what I’m praying will become my next written Bible study. The same study that I’ve spent the last nine months poring over, teaching and working through with friends will become, Lord willing, the content that I’ll put down on paper to share with you.

I moved the curser to the center of the page to type “Chapter One”, and my eyes began to sweat. (Is it hot in here?) I posted this on Facebook:

The last time I sat at my chair with a study heavy on my heart, I did so in secret. No one else knew about this crazy dream that God had placed in my heart. It was just between me and my God (and my husband, who read every page and wouldn’t let me quit), and I loved it that way. It was a season that I will never forget.

But this time is different.
I’m different.
And this study … I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

I’ve found my happy place again. It hasn’t taken me long. The kids come in from playing across the street; I’ve been working and somehow it’s dinner time already. I go to bed thinking about how to reword awkward sentences. Concepts connect while I’m washing the dishes, and I run, hands still dripping, to find something to write on. This is how it is. This is my new rhythm, and I love it.

Thank you for the grace, Lord. I depend wholly upon you.

{If you’re interested in following along with the writing progress of this study, I’ll be posting on Facebook with the hash tag #HEis… . I’d so appreciate any prayers that you lift up on my behalf.}

Is there anything that you’ve been putting off? Ask for grace in the starting. When Jesus reveals Himself to you, He’ll be all the grace that you need.